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| Photo courtesy of The Guardian |
How good does it feel
to see them all walking single file and nervous into the baking tent again?
Almost too good to handle. Thirty whole challenges for us arm-chair bakers to
sink our teeth into.
Mary “Bez” Berry is back in her staple matching-hot-pink attire
and Paul['s smouldering eyes don't look like they've lost any heat since last season. Not to mention, our first sight of Mel and
Sue is of them doing exercise the only way I know how – when I’m lunging for cake. Those
girls know what’s what and I’m loving this so far.
So, first challenge: Madeira cake and our first opportunity to
get to know our bakers. Like normal. there’s a vast array of jobs here - none of which lend themselves to the archetypal cake baker. There's a photographer, a nurse, a prison governor, a trainee anesthetist and a singer
in a band to name a few (and is this the first time the tent has seen
tattoos?!). But, of course, all outside professions are left at the door when
the oven gloves are on.
The first bake goes past rather uneventfully. No serious
disasters yet and I can’t tell whether I’m happy about this or sad. What I have
learned from this round however, is that my Madeira cakes have been lacking gin up until this point. Lots of gin. 7 shots of gin in fact. Genius,
Mat, genius.
Onto round two, queue shaking knees because it’s
the filling of the bake off sandwich: the technical challenge. Since when was a
tiny piece of paper so scary!? When Mary and Paul smugly
look upon their own perfectly coiffed cake - that’s when. But seriously, Mary’s
cake looks a jolly sight better than any cake ever made EVER (how does she do
it?! Is it made of plasticine?! Are the angels in heaven not missing her?!).
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| Image courtesy of The Telegraph |
It's now that we have our first minor issue of the series – a wonky cake. Rookie error and
armchair baker syndrome kicking in all around the country because obviously
we’ve never, ever baked a wonky cake…what a total school boy. (Ahem).
Round two is also time for Sue to whip out one of the first
tragically fantastic GBBO jokes of the season: as Tamal’s hands shake while he
pops on his caramelized walnuts, she quips “Thank god you’re not a surgeon”.
Barf, she’s at it again because, obviously, he’s a trainee anaesthetist. Classic
top class BBC1 humour that you only ever get once a year on bake off. I’m so
comfy in my seat right now.
It is Lithuania's very own, Ugne, who wins the technical challenge. Almost too quickly I might
add because the squirmy-nervous-stool moments are my favourites. But there’s 12
contestants to get through and we’ve only got an hour so…
It’s 1970s, it’s black Forrest gateau, its show time. Do I feel
bad that some of the bakers weren’t even alive when this little baby came out?
Most definitely not.
Baker’s get baking, SMEG refrigerators get their air time and
Mel and Sue continue proving why Ant and Dec are overrated.
With one throw away comment I already know who I’m backing this
year. It’s Dorret, and I quote: “I like working with chocolate, I like working
with alcohol”. Yep, I’ve found my champion.
My faith in dear old D is short lived, however, as we begin to
witness our first tears in the bake off tent. And sadly they’re running almost
as much as her cake is. I’m laughing because if I’m not laughing I might be
crying. Much like #Alaskagate of yester-year, it’s sloppy, it’s upsetting and
it probably should be going in the bin.
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| Image courtesy of The Telegraph |
But luckily not everyone’s Black Forrest Gateau is quite as
squirmy as Dorret’s is and I spend the next 5 minutes with my jaw on the floor
wondering how people ever have the patience to make a tree (let alone an
elephant) out of chocolate. I take my hat off to them, cake doesn’t last long
enough to be decorated in my household and I am very, very impressed.
Personally, the winner for me in this showstopper is Flora. Her
cake is perfectly symmetrical, beautifully coloured and with only nineteen
years of experience (assuming she’s been baking from the womb - not entirely unlikely) it really is a
wonder to behold. Paul and Mary, however, go with another fully deserving
candidate: Marie. She didn’t put a toe out of line either so I’m not too mad
just yet.
The tent then claims its first victim, and regrettably it’s Stu.
Obviously bowler hats are bad luck in the baking world and his musical talents
don’t quite transcend to baking. I'm a little bit sad because I didn't want those tattoos off my screen juuuust yet.
But it’s only round one and I don’t know anyone well enough to
cry at departures yet (give me till week four at least…) so happy smiles all
round and a warm feeling in my heart that Wednesday nights just got 10 times
tastier.
The first bake off of the year has begun and I for one am
already counting down the days until next week. Biscuits, baby!
Did you watch the Bake Off? Who are you backing?! Have you missed Mary as much as I have? (No.)
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